


Let Me Call You Sweetheart

by missmallorymarie



Series: Missing Pieces [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Other, Reader-Insert, Self-Insert, Song Lyrics, reader's gender is ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 21:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14144703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmallorymarie/pseuds/missmallorymarie
Summary: Loss is never easy. When the news comes in that the Kerberos mission has failed, resulting in the loss of Commander Sam Holt, his son Matt, and your boyfriend Takashi Shirogane, you don't take it well. Nights are longer. Life is heavier. And memories are all you have.





	Let Me Call You Sweetheart

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, I want to strongly suggest listening to the song by Bing Crosby from which this fic has gotten its name. It'll help later on. Trust me. I know whenever I come upon a fic that contains song lyrics, I wish I'd listened to it beforehand. 
> 
> Secondly, this fic is kind of inspired by a personal struggle of my own. In my coping with a certain loss, I find myself turning to my writing more than ever. Instead of moping around feeling sorry for myself, why not channel that angsty energy into something dozens can enjoy? 
> 
> Thirdly, I want to dedicate this fic to tumblr user savetheblackpaladin, because their reader insert stuff has actually kind of helped me take a lot of things off my mind. They write so damn much and this was written with them kinda in mind because they write so damn much, and I wanted to give something back so they know they're inspiring. Friend, if you see this, I know you don't know me but you're doing a great job. Keep it up.

The darkness of the room consumed you, leaving you disoriented as you woke up sporadically through the night. With each time you awoke, you grew increasingly confused as to your place in time and your surroundings. It felt like an eternity until reality came back to you, washing over you like the tide being pulled back onto the shore. You swore you were fine, that this was the completely normal way for one to process grief. Anyone who crossed your path could tell, though, reading through your façade without the blink of an eye. “Traumatized”. You often scoffed to yourself at the thought. You hated the sound of it. It made you feel weaker than you already felt in regards to your present situation. Was it wrong that your memories came back to you in waves that often overtook you, transporting you in time so realistically that it made your reality feel like no more than a nightmare to wake up from?

These were the ponderings that kept you awake, spattered between the memories.

Three years ago marked the start of your official relationship. Naturally, the Garrison had prerequisite courses for all those enrolled. You and Shiro had been neck and neck for the top grade in your conceptual physics class, and the others in the class had gotten to the point where, out of annoyance and finding the dynamic between you two charming, they made it their collective mission to make sure you ended up dating by the end of the semester. Several partnered projects later, you went on your first real date. At first, admittedly, the switch to a romantic setting had been an uncomfortable transition, but by the end of the night you were both beaming, contentedly leaning shoulder to shoulder whilst looking up at the night sky. The conversation had lulled long ago. Shiro broke the silence with a long, wistful sigh.

“It’s a magnificent sight, isn’t it?”

You nodded in response with a soft, positive-sounding grunt.

“I mean, I know we’re all here because we’re so fascinated by the endless possibilities about what’s out there, but…….nah, nevermind. It’s stupid anyway.” He quickly dismissed the thought, though you had been drawn in immediately and now were eager to hear what he had to say.

“Okay, two things. First, don’t ever think that anything you have to say is stupid. I promise you, Shiro, that I will always care about anything that’s on your mind. Second, finish your goddamn sentence, you big nerd,” you teased, punctuating your sentence with a playful nudge.

He smiled back at you before continuing, “It’s just that…it’s so big out there. We can speculate all we want, and we can think we have all the answers but we’re so small, so minuscule, so irrelevant to the grand scheme of the universe. We’re just little specks in comparison. Don’t even register on the universe’s radar. You’d think that this would be the kind of thing that like, would send most people into an existential crisis, but it just makes me so curious.”

He spoke with such fervid passion in his eyes. You couldn’t look away as he gestured, staring longingly up into the cosmos. He paused, taking it all in.

“One day, I’m gonna see it for myself. All of it.”

That was the night you shared your first kiss.

* * *

You turned your head toward the alarm clock. In bright red LED, it read 02:13. You let out a shaky deep breath, squeezing your eyes shut. Squeezing, squeezing. God, how much time had passed? How long had you been laying there trying to drift off again? You peeped one eye open. The clock, yet again, read 02:13. Peacefully falling asleep was clearly not an option this time around. You sat up and aggressively massaged at your eye sockets. In the darkness, you turned to the empty half of the bed beside you. You reached out, letting your fingertips delicately trace up the slight indentation on his side. Your hand found its resting place on his pillow. In your mind’s eye, you could see him there, deep in his slumber and lightly snoring. You could practically see the little drool puddle forming under where he left his mouth hanging open. The thought made you smile. It was a bittersweet reminiscence at the very least, and tears stung your eyes and your breath hitched as it all flooded back to you. You pulled your hand back to your side, and with what little strength you had, you swung your legs to the side of the bed, slipping your feet into warm, plush slippers, and shuffled your way to the kitchen.

You braced yourself with both hands on the counter, elbows locked as you peered into the cupboards. You had yet to figure out what precisely had summoned you here at this hour, but you were certain there was something that would either soothe your aching soul or just knock you the fuck out. Every cabinet door was flung open, and your indecisive, restless mind grew increasingly overwhelmed. Your first thought was that bottle of rum you two had been saving for a cozy evening in. You contemplated the consequences of going for the whole thing, and decided trusting yourself with liquor at the moment would prove most unwise. You decided that, first and foremost, a glass of water was in order. You pulled one of the nicer glasses down from the shelf, comforted by the weight of it in your palm. Something about it made you feel, well, like more of an adult with their life in order. Something you couldn’t exactly say about yourself presently.

With your tap-filled glass in hand, you turned to face the rest of the apartment, butt against the counter. You could almost see yourself walking into the room for the first time. You could see where Shiro had been preparing dinner at the island, where you were across from him seated on the wobbly barstool. The exchange of shitty food-related puns, the unnecessarily excessive laughter, the relaxed atmosphere. Even though at the time you’d only been a few months into dating seriously, you knew then that you had no clue how you had managed before knowing him, and that the thought of being without him ever again made you want to die. You remembered The Lion King playing on the laptop on the table, and how Shiro had smeared marinara across your forehead while you had been momentarily engrossed in the film.

You chuckled as you recalled his goofball nature that he rarely unveiled during classes or training.

Although you two had pursued different fields of study within what the Garrison had to offer, you always had time for each other.

Though the Garrison provided only basic living quarters for the fresh meat, those of you that stuck around for a while were given premium housing options. Shiro, as a pilot, and you, as one of the leading researchers of the linguistics team, had priority access to real apartments. They were little more than studio apartments, simple one-bedroom, one-bath flats with access to the Garrison’s internet and utilities. It was a sweet setup. Granted, you had one of these of your own, but you found yourself gradually spending more and more of your time in Shiro’s apartment anyway. Once your toothbrush had hit his sink, things only escalated.

It hadn’t been long before he asked why you two didn’t just live together. The Garrison had no rules against fraternizing, and the both of you knew things were fairly serious. You had taken a moment to respond because you could hardly believe it was real. But you nodded. You said yes. You said it once again, with more gusto, more certainty behind it. You’d flung yourself into his arms and kissed him hard. When the kiss had broken, you simply stared into each other’s eyes, both of you wearing that, “we’re really doing this”, look on your faces.

You gulped down the last painful sip of water in your glass, forcefully setting it down on the tile. You could stand here all night, drinking glass after glass and staring into nothing, but what difference would that make? Sleep or no sleep, you’d still have to trudge about in the morning, feeling everything and nothing all at once. It was like you were on fire, like every nerve in your body was slowly being seared but that there was nary a thing you could do other than embrace your fate.

Oh well. You concluded that at least you wouldn’t pass out in the lab if you got some sleep now. Though you knew you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep of your own volition, you recalled the bottle of cough syrup that was in the medicine cabinet from that cold Shiro had had a few months ago. He wasn’t usually fussy when he was ill, but this past time around, he’d been a big baby. So the med staff had given him this syrup and told him not to operate any heavy machinery until he was better. Couldn’t have a pilot on narcotics, now, could they?

And now it would be put to use once more. You measured out a dose and a half into a shot glass and downed it eagerly. You shuddered. The bitter aftertaste called for one more glass of water. You turned off the kitchen lights and went to nab a coaster from the table in the front room.

You recalled carrying in your last box on the day of the move, setting it in the corner, as it didn’t contain anything you’d need immediately anyway. With a gentle kick, you’d inhaled, put your hands on your hips, and spun around to look proudly upon your new living space. Not just Shiro’s. Not just yours. Both of yours, together. The first step of many. Everything from there forward had seemed so bright. You’d jumped when you felt a presence behind you, but settled upon realizing just whose ever-dexterous fingers were brushing your hair to the side. You’d smiled as Shiro stood behind you, tightly wrapping his arms around your midsection and resting his chin on your shoulder. Your fingers wrapped overtop of his as he gently kissed your shoulder. You two were always able to find that comfortable silence that felt like something out of a movie, but he always knew the best way to break that silence, intentional or otherwise.

He had begun softly humming a tune you recognized as one he’d often pulled out in times of mushy romance. You had no idea how you’d gotten yourself into a relationship with such a classic old soul, but who were you to say no to something so simply romantic as Bing Crosby?

You picked up the tune as Shiro had hummed.

_Let me call you sweetheart, I’m in love with you._

Your fingers intertwined with his, and he pulled your hand up to meet his lips before crooning along.

_Let me hear you whisper that you love me too._

He rocked you gently, and you turned your head to glance at him.

_Keep the love light glowing in your eyes so true._

You could hear him singing from the deepest reaches of his heart, as he peppered each of your knuckles with a kiss between notes.

_Let me call you sweetheart, I’m in love with you._

And like that, he’d spun you around completely, capturing you in what was probably one of the sweetest kisses you’d ever shared.

And now you were here again, this time cold and alone. There were so strong arms to catch you in their embrace and dance you around the living room. There was no one. Nothing. All there was to keep you company was the jacket he’d left on the back of a chair when he left on the mission to Kerberos.

After you’d moved in, everything happened so fast. Shiro had been promoted, and then assigned to this special mission to the outermost reaches of the solar system. You’d been thrilled for him finally being able to experience for himself just what was out there in space. You knew you’d miss him, but that he’d be back soon enough. You two were starting to talk wedding plans before he’d been summoned, and you were sure things would pick up easily when he returned. You started your planning binder and a mood board, which were currently living in the back of the closet. It hurt to look at them.

You hadn’t been able to bring yourself to move that jacket, though. It was your way of telling yourself that maybe he’d waltz right in and be looking for it, and how would he find it if it wasn’t where he left it?

Pathetic. Absolutely pitiful of you, and you knew it. But it was what you had to tell yourself to get by. That is, until now. You grabbed the jacket, trudging back to your room. The codeine in the cough syrup was starting to hit you and oh lord, could you feel it.

You took one last swig of your water before setting it on the coast on the nightstand. You cradled his jacket to your chest as you slithered under the covers once again. Everything was coming back in flashes. His goodbye before the ship’s departure. That last kiss. The way he slipped his dog tags into your hand and told you to keep them safe. Watching him pilot the ship into the sky, until it was little more than a dot, then a speck, then nothing. The anxiety. The reassuring yourself that he’d be back and cozied up in bed with you in no time. But what struck you hardest was the news headline they were broadcasting. The crash. The missing crew. “Pilot error”, they said.

You didn’t want to believe any of it. It couldn’t be real. Could it?

You’d been wrestling back and forth with yourself on this for nearly a month now. You felt helpless, regardless of how many people checked on you, or how many home-cooked dishes that friend of his brought to your doorstep.

“He told me to take care of you. Trust me, I know about needing space. But know that I’m here. You know how to reach me. – Keith,” the notes often read.

You weren’t ready to let him, or anyone else in. You were barely ready to accept the circumstances.

The medicine began to work its magic, and you felt yourself drifting. You could practically feel Shiro’s presence beside you. You could barely feel his fingertips stroking your hip and his warm breath on your neck. You desperately clutched the jacket, taking in his faded scent on the fabric. You felt like your world was at a standstill while everything came crumbling down around you, slowly at first and then all at once. Hot tears fell, dampening the article so tight in your grasp.

Clinging desperately as your consciousness escaped you, you choked out though hiccups, “ _Let me call you sweetheart…I’m…in love…with…you._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Welp there it is. First ever reader insert fic. I tried to keep it ambiguous as to the reader's gender, so I hope that translated.
> 
> I hope I was able to thoroughly convey the grief process, based somewhat on personal experience. I know it jumped perspective a lot, and as an editor I kind of ride my authors' asses for that a lot. But hopefully I did what I set out to do and did the flashback sequences tastefully and in a manner that was not overly confusing.
> 
> Annnnnnd shameless tumblr plug, feel free to find me at @ourlordandseivior
> 
> UPDATE: I've made a writing blog if anyone is interested! Come check me out at @nebulous-library on tumblr


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